She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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