If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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