I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
