She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
