I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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