The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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