hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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