Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
