Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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