I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
