i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
