his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
