Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
