I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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