Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
a search helicopter?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
