First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
