please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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