don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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