pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
