I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
