i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My vagina just clenched in fear
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
