I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize