you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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