I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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