We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
