I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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