just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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