I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
