I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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