I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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