College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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