i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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