those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
