I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
