just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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