My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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