I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize