ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
