so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
