so let's talk penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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