I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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