Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
