dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
