it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
