if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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