you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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