$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
