The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
