I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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