Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
