have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
