Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She even gives head with a lisp.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize