Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
