Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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