"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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