you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
