but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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