i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
