The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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