"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
