Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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