Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
