There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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