so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Congratulations! We have a period
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