im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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