I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
