I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
