I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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