I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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