if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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