I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize